2008-01-08

The REAL Fans Offseason Wish List

Hello to all the Bucs fans out there, my name is Big Al and I’m the newest writer at this website. I will be giving y’all a REAL fans perspective of the Bucs, not like the bunch of whining nancies who have been writing on this site. So since Ski has given y’all his offseason wish list here is the REAL fan’s wishlist:

1. FIRE GRUDEN!!!

This no talent hack has been stinking up Tampa ever since he arrived. What has he done besides winning a Super Bowl (with Saint Dungy’s players!) and three division titles? Nothing, that’s what! If the McKay’s had any brains the first thing they would do this week would be to fire Gruden and then get Bill Parcells to be the coach. The ’86 Giants were totally the BEST TEAM EVER plus the Big Tuna is a total badass.

2. Draft the Best Florida Player in the First Round!

This is a Flori-duh kind of move. Every year I argue we should draft the best college player in the state. Last year it was Jarvis Moss and the year before that Ernie Sims. Both years that dummy Gruden passed on the best player in the state. If he doesn’t draft Derrick Harvey this year Gruden TOTALLY deserves to get fired!

Derrick Harvey: Obviously The Best Player In The Country


3. Trade for Randy Moss!

This is a no-brainer. What did the Pats trade for Moss, like a third round pick? The Bucs can just up the offer and trade a second round pick for Moss. If that doesn’t work just throw in Michael Clayton as well. I don’t know why Gruden hasn’t thought of this trade.

4. Make Jake Plummer the Starter!

You know why the Bucs lost to the Giants? Besides Gruden being such a bad coach, it was because of that nancy Jeff Garcia. T.O. was right, if it smells like a rat. What do you mean Garcia is married to a former Playboy Bunny? Jake the Snake, his porn-stache, and his backwards passes are still more manly than Garcia and his “play it safe” game.

5. Guarantee Derrick Brooks a Lifetime Starting Spot!

Gruden is a moron if he doesn’t guarantee Brooks as a lifetime starter at linebacker, competition for the position be damned. Brooks is TOTALLY going into the Hall of Fame, and any player going into the Hall of Fame has to be great, right? And it’s not like players get slower as they got older, at least not great players like Brooks. Plus Brooks is a great community guy and benching him would hurt the feelings of all the kids Brooks takes to Africa during the offseason.

8 comments:

Jeff said...

Is this satire?

Devil Ray Guevara said...

Parcells was great. WAS great.

since last Super Bowl win with Big Blue in 1990...Three division titles and 1 Super Bowl LOSS. That is in 11 seasons as a head coach.

Chucky has 5 division titles and a Super Bowl WIN in 10 seasons as a head coach.

Plus you have to realize that the Bucs dont win that Super Bowl if they hire Parcells. The Bucs did not and still do not have a defense that he would like. Parcells prefers BIG defensive linemen and linebackers. That is the exact opposite of what the Bucs possessed at the time. If he was hired, he would have come in and overhauled that defense with no intention of trying to win a Super Bowl in the first year.

Parcells is an ego-driven coach. Instead of trying to adjust his system to the players in place, he just goes out and tries to acquire players that fit his system. EVENTUALLY it works if he stays around long enough, but he never stays anywhere long enough anymore.

I'm not the biggest Chunkie fan in the world, but I know he was a better option than Parcells in 2002 and he is a better option right now.

Gnorb said...

@Jeff: Yes. (I can only hope.) Bad satire, which I already get more than my fill of at BleacherReport.

/Looking for insightful commentary, not bad sports talkshow humor.
//Pulling off stupid/funny is less about blatant idiocy and more about proper nuance. Sorry, Big Al, but this post drowned in a bucket of Fail.
///If Gruden is canned -- don't think he should be -- Kiffin should get the nod.

Ski said...

I, for one, support trading a second round pick for Randy Moss.

Give Al a chance, he's just rounding into form.

BG said...

Big Al. Please go to rehab. Whatever drugs you are on are really screwin witchya noodle. Come on man. My wife know nothing about the game of football. But even she would never make such ignorant comments about any team. I joined this site just to post this comment and maybe add a few blogs of my own. Al you are retarded. Here is why.


1. Gruden is one of the best coaches in the nfl. no in the world. may be one of the best of all time. he will be in the hall of fame. you can bet on that. U said what has he done and then answered the question yourself and still u say completly ignorant comments. 1 super bowl
and 3 division titles. what friggin more do you want. most coaches in the history of the league never one any superbowls. and uhh it wasnt dungy team. see it became grudens team when he was signed as head coach. Dungy couldnt win it. He was to soft. he won one with indy but hell i could of coached that team to a title. dungy is good but really he should just become a GM cause thats all he really does. is coaching isnt what wins its his players that yes he did go out and get but it wasnt his coaching.

2.Draft the best florida player in the draft. Thats somthing a 10 yr old would say. lol. come on dude. i dont even gotta say anymore bout that.

3.Randy aint goin anywhere and definatley not as a trade. he is a free agent anyways this yr. but if it was possible for a trade a second round pic and clayton wouldnt be near enough. Moss aint goin anywhere. He will be a Pat for a long time to come. Also if it makes you feal better Larry Fitzgerald is a free agent this yr and we have atleast 25 million to spend under the cap.


4. make jake the starter. ok for one jake is retired. 2 jeff is a great and i mean great qb. if jake was the starter the bucs finish last in the div this yr. and about him bein so called gay. who cares. he could be a cross dressing parapalegic (cant spell that word.) he could have one arm or be in a wheel chair for all i care. as long as he plays the way he does. i mean he outplayed mcnab in phillie. i know he got hurt but donavan was playing so below par it was terrible. he is doin good now but anyways. garcia is our qb. if they bring in atleast one more playmaker reciever they will be a contender for the super bowl.


5. ok i agree that brooks should always be a buc. but a starter. The NFL aint a what i owe you league. They paid brooks money. so if it was they paid what they owe. But he dont have many left. i am at most games and i watch every player to see how they are doin. Brooks isnt the brooks we used to know. he has lost a step. dont get me wrong he still his a great player but for how much longer. the bucs should let him finish his career in tampa but as a starter only if he earns it at the time. not on what he used to do.


GO BUCS

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